It's 6:00 am and you set up in bed after reaching over and turning of your alarm. You grab your phone, after unplugging it to check your messages from the night before. You open (insert favorite dating app here) to find someone over a hundred miles away start a new conversation with you by sending you a picture of their penis.
How would you respond to this person? Would you respond at all? I know that most dating apps probably are not used in this manner, but apps that are designed for LGBTQ people are mostly only used to send overly sexual pictures and messages. I can't speak about apps that target lesbians, however apps like Grindr and Scruff that target gay men, bisexual men, and transgender men and women seem to be made only for finding a hookup. It borderlines the level creepiness and filth of the Craigslist personals sometimes. It is also becoming just as dangerous.
Here is an actual message I received one evening from a guy that I ended up blocking shortly after.
Later after the shock wore off and I had already blocked him I thought of the perfect response to this message. I wish I would have said "I wish you were a cigarette butt so I could stomp you out." But here is a great example of how disturbing these apps can be. Some of my friends have told me I am too picky or that I'm too hard on these guys. I don't believe a word of that.
With all of those concerns aside, there is a bigger concern that these apps are taking the romance out of dating. I believe that is a valid point. I can't imagine a hit love song being written about how luck I am he didn't swipe left on Tinder, or it was love at first penis pic on Grindr. Even if you are not LGBTQ these dating apps take the romance and excitement out of dating. Imagine telling your child you meet their dad the same way you found the cutest pair of shoes on Amazon. I don't think our current culture will inspire too many romance novels and or films.
I really do hate Grindr sometimes, but I can't live without it now. The dirty pictures and the horrific pick up lines drive me insane, but at the same time the attention I get every time I post a new profile picture with makeup on is extremely addicting. It's the easiest confidence booster I have when my depression overwhelms me.
Now I'm not writing this to trash these apps. If there are problems in our culture with these apps, then the blame for these problems falls solely on the users and not the creators. Not all experiences on these apps are bad, and the severity of bad experiences are subjective. I know a few people that would love to get a message like the one I shared above. I did, however, have one of my greatest dating experiences of my life because of Grindr.
Nearly a year ago I started talking to a trans female on Grindr that lived in Florida. I messaged her first and we talked for almost a month before I went to meet her in person. Long story short, we were not together long, but in the short time we were together I did experience true love on my part. I still have feelings for her even though I could never be with ever again because of how much I was hurt because of the break up. She has moved on and from what I know is doing well. I can't check in on here even though we are still friends on Facebook because seeing her is still pretty painful. But I'm glad that she is doing well, and I am so glad I got to meet her. I have Grindr to thank for that.
To answer the question "Is digital dating good or bad?" you have to consider that people will abuse or miss use anything they can. Romance doesn't have to die because of the invention of the dating app. The relationship I just wrote about was the most romantic experience of my life. She would probably laugh at me for thinking that, but it's true. So I believe the answer is that digital dating can be a great thing, but we have to do a better job of preventing the bad by flagging everyone that abuses the apps instead of just blocking them.
But I wanna know what you think. Have you ever had bad experiences on any of these apps? If so how did you react? Has anyone found true love on a dating app or site? I look forward to reading about your experiences.
Thank you all for reading!
Bi y'all! ;)
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